Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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