And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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