I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
