I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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