btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
