My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
