I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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