if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
