I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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