JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
