Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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