I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
