I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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