Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
