I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
