my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
