Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
