I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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