he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
