I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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