Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Apparently you make a good broom.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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