we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
