If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize