I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
