I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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