I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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