you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
