i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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