Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
