I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
