I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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