it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
