i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
