you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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