I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
