I'm pants shitting drunk right now
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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