I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
