im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
