I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
