smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
