We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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