At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
