I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
