So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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