why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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