You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
