I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just gift wrapped bread.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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