Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
