Got a toothbrush?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
