I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
