If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Two words: blizzard sex
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
