so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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