Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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