I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
