I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
