hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm way too hungover for life right now
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
