When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
