That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
PANTIES FOUND
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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