i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need to calm my uterus...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
