I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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