forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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