god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize