No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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