I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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