Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
