i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
