remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
