Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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