This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
soo... how was my night?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
