So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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