So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
