no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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