So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
