I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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