fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
