And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
