something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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