We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
