I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
NoShamevember. You game?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
