I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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