turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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