Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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